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feeling pretty empty tonight but I’ve already reached the point of numbness that it doesn’t bother me that I’m lonely a lot. I quite like my own company sometimes..kinda.
friends and family was fun, I found josh after intermission but I didn’t really fit into the group—eh I don’t really fit in anywhere to be honest. haha doesn’t really matter I guess.
it actually scares me how little I’m starting to care about things. although I still hold some things close to heart everything else seems to be floating away without me really minding at all. hahah, whatever time to sleep.

I like how you treat a (so I’d like to think) close friend like me often worse than you do with people you aren’t really close with at all; you seem a lot friendlier and attentive with others—more tolerant and carefree. I mean I get other privileges like knowing personal matters and whatnot but—I like to have fun too. I’m a lighthearted person, I like fun and meaningless conversation. so I guess you could call me conflicted sometimes

it kind of boggles my mind sometimes.

guess I don’t really know what to expect from people, hah.
whatever floats your boat. I worry too much about insignificant things anyways and it’ll just be be frustrated for a couple of hours then I won’t really care anymore

but regionals was a fun time. yep.
and yeah souplantation was worth it cuz I paid for a drink and ate a whole meal


so (after months of absence) I’ve finally found the need to write something again. I feel that it’s appropriate that the need should eventually surface again.

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I never really felt sentimental about valentines day
but today I feel particularly lonesome
and though I’d like to think I try keep myself emotionally vacuous
I kinda wish I had someone to share my loneliness with
I seem to have regressed

I removed the redirect on this blog so you can see all of my past bullshit text posts and the like

once in a while I just like letting go and freestyling to some good music. feels great, clears my mind.